A dilemma that many parents struggle with these days is between being present in their children’s lives, or working hard to provide for them.
In many cases, those two exist in silo.
Some parents forgo the hustle and bustle of the corporate rat race in favour of quality family time, even if all they can afford are budget dinners and dollar stores.
Others go where the money leads them, even if it means missed birthdays and dance recitals, just so they can give their kids a comfortable life.
And yet there are the lucky few who are able to have it all, at least on the surface.
You may wonder how these women juggle it all so effortlessly: career, marriage, motherhood. But don’t let the dream fool you, mums.
The secret to being an amazing mum who has it all does not lie in the harsh, shark-infested waters of hustle culture.
Overworking isn’t the answer. But what if you’re already a victim to the system?
Here are some ways to know if you’ve been secretly and unknowingly sacrificing bits and pieces of your family time for work.
How to Know if You Are Overworking Yourself
You Spend More Than Your Contracted Hours Doing Work
This doesn’t just mean time spent in office (or even doing work during your lunch hour).
But also replying to text messages and emails from your boss, doing work on the weekends or at home after office hours.
And even taking unpaid overtime.
It’s important to remember that you should always do the work you are paid.
Never let your employer take advantage of you.
You Have An Abundance of Unused Annual Leaves
Who has time to go for a vacation when you’re working 24/7?
You may even not be around when the school holidays come most of the time.
In fact, if you have a track record for cancelling or not planning anything at all for past school holidays, your kids may have already stopped asking you.
They may have already made plans with their friends or your spouse to go do something without you.
In such a case, you probably don’t even have the right to be offended.
You Can’t Shut Off Your Mind
Even during your so-called vacations, you are unable to take your mind off work.
There is always something urgent that needs addressing, an email to reply to, meetings to attend.
When we’ve intertwined ourselves with our work so much it starts to become our identity, it’s a problem.
We may not know who we are outside of work.
We may not know our purpose beyond grinding 40 hours a week at the office.
And worse, we have no time to truly rest; physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Your Home and Family Are Suffering
Most people don’t need a rulebook about all the subtle and obvious ways their marriage and parenthood will suffer if they prioritise work over family.
But just in case the reality hasn’t yet sunk in, here are some pointers on how to know if your career is truly jeopardising your domestic bliss.
- Your parenting skills are getting rusty (disciplining suddenly becomes a nightmare)
- You don’t know what’s going on in your spouse and children’s lives
- There’s a tension in the air (your spouse isn’t intimate anymore)
- You stopped getting invitations to things
- Your spouse and kids have started to become more distant and are doing their own thing
How to Restore Your Work-Life Balance
Restore the Balance
We won’t bore you with old and tired advice.
You’ve probably heard them all. Set boundaries, leave on time, disconnect, cut out distractions, etc.
But the trick with stopping the cycle of overwork is to maximise efficiency at the workplace.
Rediscover Your Identity
To help you transition out of the ‘worker bee’ mentality, cultivate a small, humble pursuit outside the office. Whether that’s gardening, art, fitness or even reading.
In fact, it’s equally as important to find an identity outside of (or in addition to) being a parent.
Recovering workaholics usually find some new thing to obsess over.
While there’s nothing wrong with giving your kids extra love and attention, you don’t want to start micromanaging your family now.
You might just find yourself transitioning from corporate slave to Stepford wife (or worse, a helicopter parent).
Find a New Perspective
If your current job puts too many expectations and pressure on you, then it is a toxic workplace.
Especially if you’ve been lured in the past by a promotion or pay rise that never came.
So, a change of scenery may be overdue. But you also want to break free from old patterns.
Embrace your true calling in life by understanding who you are. In the words of celebrated Greek philosopher, Socrates, “know thyself”.
There are no shortages of personality assessments that can help you find a new career path. One that will truly make you happy.
Examples include the Big Five, MBTI (Myers-Briggs), DiSC, and more.
Embracing ‘Life’-work Balance
Work-life balance is a trap. A good job should not require you to work so hard to balance family and career.
So let us rebrand this terminology to LIFE-work balance.
Just to remind ourselves where exactly our priorities should lie. With our committed partners, family members, children and loved ones.
After all, these are the people who will be there with us through thick and thin.
So, don’t waste too much time at work, mums.
Your kids are waiting for you at home to read them their favourite bedtime stories. You’ve got this, mummies!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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