Confidence VS Control: What If Our Children Can Speak Their Minds?

“Mum, I am feeling tired and stressed. Can I stop some of my extra classes?” “No, you can’t.” “Why, mum?” “Don’t ask so much! Just do it!” bet most of us are familiar with this conversation as we used to be the children who went through this conversation with our parents. We were not allowed to express our emotions and opinions when we were talking to our parents. Parents’ words were like a command that we must follow. However, did this develop our confidence or low self-esteem? Reflect on your own experience and your emotions. Ask yourself, Do you want your children to have the same negative emotions that you experience? If your answer is no, then you need to make sure that you do not practise the parenting style that your parents used to apply. We are now in the generation where we need to listen to our children besides talking to them. Only when you show your children the value of respect and empathy in your day-to-day interaction, they will learn and apply equal respect in their communication. Now, the decision is on you. Do you wish to develop confidence in your children? Or rather, you wish to hold on to your parental control as you are fearful that our children will be out of your control? Read on to learn more about the pros and cons of allowing our children to speak up their mind. 4 Lifetime Benefits Only for Children Who Speak Their Mind Benefit #1: Your Children Will Feel Loved and Appreciated Image credit to Unsplash Don’t we feel appreciated when our colleagues and superiors listen and value our ideas? It applies the same to our children too. In any situation, our children should be able to speak their mind. Most importantly, we should listen attentively and genuinely when our children express their thoughts and opinions. Even when we do not agree with what they say, we should let them finish what they wish to express without interrupting their thought process. Yes, we should never interrupt them, even when they are wrong. Only after they have finished voicing out their opinions, then we discuss the issues with them. Let’s look at an example where your children give ideas on how to spend family time during the weekend. Even if you already have other activities in mind, you should listen to your children first. Then, ask for their opinion whether it is fine to carry out their suggestions on the following week. If you think their ideas are better, take on their ideas and believe me, your children will certainly feel appreciated and empowered. They learn that they can have a say in family decisions. Benefit #2: Your Children Will Be Able to Face Challenges and Problems With Confidence Image credit to Pixabay As an educator, I have always reminded myself to be open to my pupils’ questions and doubts. I have always encouraged my pupils to voice out their opinions and problems, no matter how silly and tiny their problems seem to be. The reason is very simple: our children need to learn to voice out the difficulties and problems they face. Instead of feeling embarrassed or fearful that others might make fun of their questions, they need to learn to be confident enough to face their problems directly. They will learn that avoiding and bearing the problems alone will not help them to solve the problems. In fact, when we constantly provide our children with the opportunity to speak freely, they will gain more confidence in expressing their views without any fear of being judged by others. Benefit #3: Your Children Will Be Able to Express Their Feelings With Confidence Image credit to Pexels When we experience negative emotions, most of us are likely to talk about our emotions with our loved and trusted ones. You need someone who listens to your grumbling and frustrations so that you would feel better. If you need listening ears, wouldn’t it be fair when your children ask for your time to listen to their problems in school? Listen to what your children have to say about their problems and challenges they face in school. Ask them how they feel and give them time to express their emotions. Never interrupt with any random or hurtful comments such as “I am so disappointed in you” or “You make me so mad”. With this, your children will be able to open up to you to express their feelings more accurately and ask for your guidance to solve their negative emotions and problems. In the long run, your children will be equipped with strong emotional resilience for any challenges in the future. Benefit #4: You Will Learn From Your Children Image credit to Unsplash As adults, we need to get rid of the prejudice that our children do not know anything or know lesser than we do. While they might know lesser than we do, we should not keep them from having a say on any issue. In fact, they might give you out-of-the-box opinions and insight. So, discuss daily issues and news with your children. Ask them for their points of view and share your opinions too for further discussion. Always acknowledge your children’s effort to voice out their opinions and you will see your children develop their personal voice and thoughts throughout the process. For younger children, you can ask them some simple questions such as “What interesting things did you learn today?”. You can equally learn from your children where you learn about their school lives and preferences. Always head towards where your children want to share during the interaction. Thanks to you, your children will be able to become a leader in peer and group discussions if you constantly allow your children to speak their mind. And Only One Minor Downside... Downside #1: Your Children Might Be Unable to Understand Others’ Point of View Image credit to Pexels In getting our children to express their opinions, you need to make it clear to your children on the understanding about others’ points of view. If you do not educate your children about the importance of respecting about other’s feelings, they will eventually grow to be overconfident and ignorant towards others’ opinions. They will, in turn, disrespect their peers’ ideas and this will certainly impact their school tasks and peer relationship. Therefore, it is necessary to educate our children on how their words and behaviour can affect others. Besides being aware of other people’s feelings, your children will also be able to control their emotions. Build Your Children’s Confidence NOW For Their Better Future As educators and parents, we always hope to give what we think it’s the best for our children. Instead of insisting our children to follow, let’s allow our children to speak their minds. You will know that you have made the right decision when you see how confidence and assertiveness assist your children to succeed in the future.

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