Moms Share: Living Under One Roof with My Mother-in-Law - November 2024

Is there any recommendable “how to live with your mother-in-law” book around? Cause I live under the same roof with my mine. When I got married, 3 people gave me 3 difference advice. Two were good, the other one is something I wouldn’t recommend. Treat her like how you would treat your own mother. Let’s start with the worse advice: treat her like how you would treat your own mother. Hahahahahaha… So let me think, requesting my mother-in-law (MIL) to make me milo and tuck me to bed? Unlikely. Do you think I dare to sleep til 11am in my MIL’s house? I dare you! Telling my MIL that I’m so tired I don’t feel like doing anything today? No. Well, the fact is, my mom is my mom, if I treat my MIL as how I treat my mom, it would be rude because she is not my mom. Looking at the way my husband treats his mom, erm… er… I think I should be in my best behaviour so that I do not embarrass my mom. I would be lying if I say it was not stressful. She is a stranger who became my family. I don’t know her well yet. How la? This was when I received my first advice. It came in soon after I tied the knot with my husband. Her intention is always good. Second advice: even when you do not agree with her way, remember that her intention is always good. I remember pouring out to my friend about how my mother-in-law did this and that and said this and that. My mother-in-law and I have different ways of raising children, we have a different stand on breastfeeding, children food and medication, discipline and reward etc. My friend patiently listened to all my complaints, after which she said the only way to make the situation better is to stop looking at things from only one perspective – my perspective. Look from her point of view: Why is she doing that? Because she loves her grandchildren as much as I love my children. Why is she doing that? Because that was how she did it and that’s the only way she knew. Why is she doing that? She was trying to help, else she won’t care. I was advised to keep in mind that her intention is never to harm her grandchildren. With that, I became kinder in my words and communicated better without being emotional and easily offended all the time. The second advice? I received it once I started living with her. I see many new moms venting their frustration in FB groups. Well, I think there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, that is what keeps many sane. I’m just wondering is there any MIL support group where the MILs would go: “Did you know what my foolish daughter-in-law did?” “My DIL is worse!” “She’s young. She would know later.” Maybe 20 or 30 years down the road, we will be the ones uttering those words. I don’t know about your MIL, but my MIL. After 6 years knowing her, she is the type who hides her pain and suffering. Where are her friends? A few of her friends died, the other few are in a nursery home. Who could she confine to? Hmmm… maybe your MIL can be my MILs friend. The unconditional love between a grandmother and her grandson. Be nice to your Mother-in-Law Last advice was from my mother: BE NICE to your MIL, you are living with her now. Not me. I give money to my mother every month. She told me to give some money to my mother-in-law as well. So I did. I bought chicken essence for my mom. She asked me to get some for my mother-in-law too. I complied. My mom said:” Your MIL is the one taking care of you and your children now. Appreciate her and be nice to her. Take care of each other.” “Okay Mommy, I’ll do what you say.” Nope, there’s no happily ever after here. After 6 years, my MIL and I still have disagreements but the feeling is different now because there’s better communication, understanding and appreciation. Nope, I don’t hug my MIL. Do you?

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