Locked In A New Norm: A Mother's Take On Keeping It Real

“I can’t do this anymore!” I lamented to my husband by MCO week #4. The novelty of wearing an interchangeable supermom/teacher cape has worn off by then. I was – or felt like - a hot mess, a far cry from when MCO had just started and teaching online sounded a lot more exciting. All in a day's work As a mother of 3 and a teaching staff of the school where both my daughters are attending currently, I found myself being thrust into a whole new terrain. Teachers and moms are now expected to run school on our own, and run it online, too. If the internet serves me nothing but a Facebook feed to while my time previously, I will now need to be an instant online influencer of sorts on Google Classroom and a creative content creator for my students. All these, while also keeping house, be responsible for all 3 of my children’s learning and schooling, and manage my writing commitments. I soon found that I have bit off more than I can chew. Not that I have a choice. As Headless As A Headless Chicken Gets As the day went by, I noticed I was always rushing to do the next chore and the list was never ending! The clock well, always ticking double time. What could be so urgent, you ask? Oh loads, I assure you! Staff meetings, phone calls with students, video calls with parents, endless messages from students asking the status of their work; oh look – I need to issue an English test to my eldest today, and hey, what should I cook for lunch? Will my meat defrost in time or should I just bust a can of sardine? And man, my son's eyes are glued to the TV for way too long now, and I haven’t the time to check out the homework list his teacher sent two weeks ago! And I have a writing deadline due… well, yesterday. While mommy and sisters were busy at work, the little one took the opportunity to slack. There's always a rebel in each family. Sigh! By the time I get over our daily school staff debrief at 5pm, a few more conference calls with clients about my perpetually missed deadlines, I feel like my soul has drained out of my body by now. Too beat for anything but guess what? There are mouths to feed at 7pm! So, chop chop, let’s get the stove going or those monstrous appetites that belong to tiny tummies will be spoiled by a sneaky snack of string cheese and crackers! Now, I understand that this may either sound unrealistically dramatic to you or you can totally relate. I believe some parents may be dealing with even more intense scenarios at home during the lockdown period juggling work and young children, no doubt, this is just my setting. But let it be known that I am, of course, very, very grateful to still have jobs when many are losing theirs. However, the reality is, burnouts happen and burnouts are real. Norm For Good? For many of us, never for a day we would ever imagine seeing and living a life in lockdown in the midst of a global pandemic. We can no longer go back to our old norm. Simple conveniences like eating out or ordering in whenever we want to, hiring childcare when we can’t cope, bringing the kids out for mid-week ice creams, and taking a much needed mom-break by strolling the aisles of our favourite grocer alone seem impossible now. And you know what? These inconveniences are going to stay for a while, possibly a long while. We will need to learn to cope with the new norm now. Do It All, Or Not At All? “This is crazy! How am I supposed to do it all?” I continued crying. Seeing the frustrated exhaustion in me, my husband (bless his heart) quietly says, “You are not supposed to do it all by yourself. We, all of us here, are in this together. How can I help you?” Kindie school project - wear an egg a day and take care of it, just like how mommy was pregnant with you for 9 months! And he is right. We are living in a very special time now, definitely very different from pre-MCO days and when the circumstance is different, we cannot expect to do things the way we did before. We need time to adjust and it is OK if we don’t have things together, for now. “I just can’t sit through another English literature class on Zoom with my daughter anymore!” That is OK. Sit out and eat cake! We celebrated our eldest's 10th birthday in lockdown! No birthday fanfares, just good ole quality family time. “I don’t want to cook another meal!” That is OK. We’ll have cereal and milk for dinner (I’ll have you know that my kids appreciate this combo over my 8-course meal, by the way!) “I can’t keep up with my children’s homework as requested by the teachers, I need a break, please!” And that is perfectly fine! We’ll ask for a later date to send in. Finally had a little time off work; we played old school games with the kids! “This Pinterest list of 500 activities to do with my toddler is making me feel terrible about myself!” Then ditch it! Your worth does not come from social-media-worthy activities, instead it is your desire and effort to create memories with your baby that counts! Let’s just cuddle with that chubby little one and marvel at the rolls on his arms before he outgrows them! Moms, you feel overwhelmed with all that is going on in the household right now, and that is normal! You can’t adult today and that’s OK too! Go ahead and call the school day off and just snuggle in bed with your kids. How you feel in that moment of falling apart do not determine the you as an amazing mom and the many roles you play! So it really is OK. If you feel like throwing in the towel (or ladle) today, know that you are not alone. Oh believe you me! We are not supposed to be able to just snap our fingers and miraculously handle this chaos. So it is alright if you do not like this restless time and be as cheery as Mary Poppins every day. You are allowed to call for a time out. Fell asleep in my arms while waiting for me to finish my work meeting on Zoom. Times are a-changing and change is inevitable, whether we like it or not. The ones who can survive these abnormal times are those who are willing to adapt. The good news is, we are in this together! While we maintain social distancing physically, our hearts have got to hold each other closely by being empathetic and kind to one another. Closing The Gap, One Heart At A Time Check in on a fellow mother and ask how she is managing. If your situation allows you to, bless a family with a quarantine care pack of eggs and bread (to the one who sent me this love package and the one who sent me a cup of bubble milk tea knowing I was unglamorously breaking down, THANK YOU!); ask your child’s teacher how he or she is doing and offer a word of encouragement and appreciation! Many of them have their own children at home to mind too, just like you and I! There are so many ways we can show that we care. And speaking of appreciation... ah, that word goes a long way! When put into action, it will be a word that prevails peace at home, a word that lightens the hearts and puts spring in the steps of our frontliners, and a word that will rebuild the country and eventually, the world. A little a day goes a long way. So if you ask me how am I different pre- and post-MCO? I’d say, humbled but feeling oh-so-empowered. How about you?

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