Motherhood comes with a lot of surprises: how much laundry one tiny human can generate, how elusive a good night’s sleep becomes, and how a stranger at the playground can suddenly become your new best friend (at least for a season).
Enter the “mum friend”. You meet at the park, or in a parent-and-me class, or while hovering anxiously near the preschool drop-off gate.
You bond over naptime woes, toddler tantrums, and the mysterious stickiness that seems to follow children everywhere.
Within minutes, you’re swapping stories, swapping phone numbers, and maybe even swapping snacks out of your diaper bags.
It’s an instant connection built on the very real, very consuming stage of life you’re both in.
But here’s the question: can mom friends truly replace the deep, long-term friendships you had before motherhood?
The Fast-Track Friendship
One of the strangest parts about mom friendships is how quickly they form. Normally, adult friendships take time.
You meet someone, hang out a few times, and slowly peel back the layers of personality and history. But when you’re a mum, especially in those early years, there’s no time for slow burns.
You’re craving connection and understanding, and the person sitting next to you in baby yoga gets it.
You don’t need to explain why you’re late (the toddler refused to wear pants), why your shirt has a suspicious stain (spit-up, probably), or why you’ve been surviving on caffeine and Goldfish crackers.
They’re right there in the trenches with you.
That shared experience creates a kind of fast friendship that can feel almost magical, like you’ve found your person.
The Purpose They Serve
Mum friends are often lifesavers. They’re the ones you can text at 10 p.m. to ask if this cough sounds normal.
They’re the ones who understand the unspoken code of playdates: “Come over, but don’t mind the mess.” They offer empathy, advice, and a shoulder to cry on after a rough day.
And let’s be honest, having someone who won’t blink when your kid melts down in public is worth its weight in gold.
In many ways, mum friends serve a vital purpose during the early years of parenthood.
They’re your support group, your sanity check, and your cheerleaders rolled into one. Without them, motherhood could feel a lot lonelier.
The Bittersweet Expiration Date
But here’s the bittersweet truth: some mum friendships don’t survive past the pregnancy phase (perhaps not even then).
Your single and child-free friends have designed their lives in a way that is inhospitable to parenthood: whether that’s pregnancy, postpartum or, of course, those small moments of your kids growing up.
While they can be happy for you during these life-changing moments, they probably are on their own path in life. One that doesn’t include spit-ups and loud crying.
It’s not because you don’t like each other or because something went wrong. It’s because the glue that held you together, the shared stage of life, eventually dries up.
The kids start school, schedules change, and suddenly you’re not seeing each other every week at the playground or swim lessons.
Without that constant contact and shared struggle, the friendship can fade. You might still see each other occasionally, but it’s different.
The daily texts about nap schedules and potty training are replaced by the occasional “How have you been?”
It can feel almost like a breakup. Soft, slow, and sad.
Real Friends, Deep Roots
That’s where “real friends” come in. I’m talking about the friends who knew you before you became a mum or the rare gems you meet later in life who stick around no matter what.
These friendships are built on a foundation that goes deeper than your current circumstances.
With real friends, you can go months without seeing each other and pick up right where you left off.
They’ve seen you through different versions of yourself. College you, newlywed you, career-focused you, and now, mum you.
They know your quirks, your history, and your heart in a way that playground friends simply haven’t had time to learn.
These friendships require nurturing, and motherhood can make that tricky. Between work, family, and the general chaos of life, it’s easy for these relationships to slip to the back burner.
But they’re the ones worth holding on to, because they’re built to last.
Is It Possible to Have Both?
The good news is: yes, you can have both. But it takes intention.
The key is understanding that different friendships serve different purposes.
Mum friends are often like bright, warm campfires. They burn strong and fast during a certain season of life, offering comfort and light when you need it most.
Real friends are more like sturdy trees; they take years to grow, but they’ll be there through storms and sunshine alike.
Sometimes, a mum friend does become a real friend. Maybe you click on a deeper level beyond motherhood, and you find yourselves talking about books, politics, or dreams for the future long after the kids are asleep.
If you nurture that connection, it can grow roots strong enough to last well beyond the playdate years.
Keeping Perspective
Motherhood changes your social landscape.
Some friendships will be temporary, and that’s okay. They can still be valuable, meaningful, and beautiful, even if they’re not lifelong.
Instead of feeling guilty when a mum friendship fades, you can appreciate it for what it was: a lifeline during a challenging stage of life.
And instead of neglecting your deeper friendships, you can make small, intentional efforts to keep them alive. Whether that’s a monthly phone call, an annual girls’ trip, or simply sending a funny meme at just the right time.
Friendship, like motherhood, has its seasons. Some are fleeting; some are forever.
Both have value. And if you’re lucky, you’ll find yourself with a circle that includes a little bit of both.
The mum friends who got you through the early years and the real friends who will still be there when your kids are grown.
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