Couples Are Embracing 'Sleep Divorce', Here's Why It Can Save Your Marriage - November 2024

It’s been months, nay, years, and you can’t stand it anymore. The snoring, the constant tossing and turning, the unconscious incoherent mumbling, the waking-up-to pee-three-times-a-night. It may be time for a divorce. A sleep divorce! Whether it’s a recent life event, an illness or even just the slow and painful passage of time, most couples will one day come to the realisation that: ‘I can’t sleep in the same bed with my spouse anymore’. According to a recent survey, 1 in 3 American couples are ‘sleep divorced’. That is, sleeping in different beds (while still staying blissfully married, of course). But why are more couples (or at least outside Malaysia, that we know of) embracing this controversial arrangement? Well, Dr Shelby Harris, psychologist and board-certified behavioural sleep medicine specialist, says that it may have just ‘saved their marriage’. It all comes down to sleep quality, she says. We enjoy the idea of a sacred ‘nuptial bed’ shared by no one but the married couple. But in today’s world, the norm is quickly being thrown out the window. In the case of sleep divorce, sleeping in different beds can actually improve your sleep, your mental health and your marriage. Most adults suffer from some type of sleeping disorder, insomnia being the most common. Having a restless sleeper for a spouse can easily aggravate or even induce insomnia-related symptoms. How many times have our spouse’s sleep habits kept us up all night? https://www.tiktok.com/@housebeautiful/video/7208998714155830570 And when we wake up cranky and sleep deprived the next morning, our spouse is usually the one who gets the brunt of our hostility. This creates a whole argument that never ends well. Never underestimate the power of sleepless nights to ruin a marriage. For those who you who may be entertaining this idea, Dr Shelby recommends three essential things to ensure a successful sleep divorce: Make sure both partners have a comfortable arrangement. This means no sleeping on the couch, or worse, on the floor. This usually means getting another bed, or making use of the guest room (or their child’s old bedroom if they’re empty-nesters). Secondly, decide on one bed that will be used for intimacy purposes, i.e. intercourse. This may mean having three beds in total for those who can arrange it. Although using what’s available is fine. Finally, make sure to spend extra time before bed having non-sexual bonding activities: talking, watching television, cuddling, etc. It’s important to note that sleep divorce does not lead to separation. In fact, for some couples, sharing a bed may actually be the thing putting a strain on their marriage. So, try out sleep divorce, mums, it may just be the answer to your dreams. For more insightful stories and fun recipes, stay tuned to Motherhood Story!

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