Teen Angst: How Parents can Help their Adolescent Navigate Moodiness & Anxieties - December 2024

Every parent of older children transitioning into teen-hood may recognize some of the signs of Teen Angst: Rebellion, restlessness, moodiness, withdrawal from friends and family, being rash, being emo, being “difficult”, feeling misunderstood and the list goes on. Teenagers are sometimes unfairly characterized by this set of behavior as they wrestle with growing up challenges. “Historical records show that society has been complaining about teenagers for at least 2,000 years,” says Dr Thiyagar Nadarajaw, head of paediatrics at Sultanah Bahiyah Hospital in Alor Star, Kedah, in an interview with the New Straits Times about teen behavior recently. Like what these emoticons show, mood swings are a common feature of teen-hood. (Image Credit: Gino Crescoli from Pixabay) Teen brains are wired to seek attention and, “The teenage brain is naturally activated for fun,” says the doctor, “but fun activities are often risky, which they undertake anyway due to poor judgement and lower inhibition.” As a result they expose themselves to trouble, get into a lot of them, and rub people the wrong way. Some develop mental health issues, become sexually promiscuous, or get into serious life-long trouble. If you are a parent whose child is coming of age, do take heart that not every single adolescent will get thrown this kind of curveball as they make their rocky rite of passage into adulthood. With the right parental guidance, the majority, in fact, sail through unscathed, and grow up into upright, mentally well-adjusted, model citizens of the country. What is Teen Angst? Moving from childhood to adulthood throws up a lot of big issues ─ pressures at home, pressures at school, and in the social scenario too. At the same time, parents themselves are also going through emotional changes as they have to deal with the fact that their little babies are growing up, seeking independence and will soon fly the nest. (Image Credit: tirachardz /Freepik) So what is this societal phenomenon called “Teen Angst" all about really? It’s quite self-explanatory. Teen, of course, refers to the word “teenager” denoting children from ages 13 to 19 (although sometimes, teen angst can continue well into the mid-20s). And Angst comes from the word anxiety, anxiousness, worry and fear coming from inner turmoil, conflict, unsureness or an identity crisis from a life experience or a particular environment or situation or all of the above. Consider this: By the time Zac* entered Form 3, he was already smoking and driving because he wanted to feel what it was like to do “adult” things. He would sneak his father’s car out in the middle of the night to hang out with his friends just so he could “belong” and gain peer acceptance. All of his friends were already smoking, and to him, they were popular because they looked so hip and cool and manly. This was what he badly wanted for himself too ─ to be hip and cool and manly ─ because he felt he wasn’t. In fact, Zac was an introverted kid who was constantly feeling awkward and insecure. He worried about his weight, his body, his lack of height, his acne, and his marks in school. He hadn’t been doing well since he entered Form 1 and he hated studying but he didn’t want to disappoint his parents who had pinned all their hopes on him. He often blamed himself for all the wrongs in the world and he would feel like such a failure for being unable to live up to his parents’ expectations. It was the same for Tina*. As a blossoming teenager in secondary school, she was painfully self-conscious. By the time she was in Form 1, she was already the tallest in her class; it made her feel so big and visible and being overweight at the same time made matters worse. To find comfort, she would eat more and avoid sports and physical exercise classes as much as possible. She always felt that all her schoolmates were gossiping and laughing at her behind her back. Sometimes they would laugh at her in front of her back. As a result, she withdrew inside her shell, became anti-social and basically spent all of her secondary school years hiding from everyone. *Not their real names. Self-consciousness and maybe even embarrassment, brought on by rapid, pubescent growth can make adolescents feel insecure and retreat into their shells. (Image Credit: Jess Foami from Pixabay) For both Zac and Tina and many others like them, being additionally bombarded by raging hormones, ungainly physiological development and nerve rewiring in the prefrontal cortex of the brain that renders them emotionally and socially incompetent, adolescence can be a hard time. Parenting a Teen It goes without saying that parenting a teen can be an even harder time for parents. Sometimes you can’t believe that the child who clung to you and cried for you as a baby, now rolls his eyes at everything you say, and doesn’t even want to be seen with you anywhere in public. For a parent, this can be hard to endure, and yes, you will despair over his defiance too, his emotional outbursts, and his impulsive, reckless behaviour. For girls, you worry about their vulnerability, being taken advantage of sexually and teen pregnancy. While you know you must loosen your parental leash to let your children go out into the world to find themselves, you agonise over the risks and dangers that litter the road of adolescent self-discovery. And just as your child grapples with needing your attention while pushing you away, you too struggle to find the balance between holding on and letting go. Is it Teen Angst or Something More Serious? As teenagers ride out the emotional rollercoasters of their adolescent years, shutting you out while crying for your attention can become the common push and pull issues that parents have to deal with. (Image Credit: Sigit hidayat from Pexels) How far should you close one eye and tell yourself it will come to pass? The first is to understand the process of adolescence (you were once a teen too, remember?) and to know the difference between “normal” teen behavior and troubled teen behaviour. It is important to spot the red flags because unresolved teen angst can escalate into serious issues like depression, mental health problems, personality disorders, eating disorders, self harm, violence and substance abuse. Below is a list of what’s normal and what isn’t. “Normal” Teen Angst Seeking attention Feeling irritable and argumentative Mood swings – one minute happy, next minute sullen Taking risks, like to experiment Feeling self-conscious Needing to be with friends more than family Physical pains or having “growing pains” especially in the limbs Playing loud, head-banging music Messiness Rudeness Sleeping more Troubled Teen Behaviour Persistent complaints of anxiety, depression, fear, worry, or nervousness or talking about suicide Fears that don’t make sense Persistent trouble sleeping Substance abuse: alcohol, tobacco, drugs Angry or aggressive or violent outbursts Constant lying Heavily influenced by friends that encourage negative behaviour Complete withdrawal from everyone and spending too much time alone Identify When Your Teen Needs Professional Help If you identify these warning signs, it’s time to seek professional help from a doctor, counselor, therapist or other mental health professional. What You Can Do At Home The best way to connect with your teen is to be engaged and interested in what he is doing, whether in school or outside of it. (Image Credit: Love photo created by freepik) 1. Connect with Your Teen: While he may seem to push you away, your child actually craves your love, approval and acceptance. Positive face-to-face connection is the quickest, most honest and effective way to open the lines of communication. 2. Be Aware of Your Own Stress Levels: When trying to connect with him, choose a time when you are calm, collected, energized and ready for an open conversation before actually starting the conversation. He may shut you out. Be ready to accept that too and try again. 3. Listen without Judging or Giving Advice: Don’t interrupt, mock, criticize or offer advice. Maintain eye contact and focus on him or her and nothing else during your one-on-one session. 4. Find Common Ground to Connect: Even if there seems to be a generational gap between the both of you, fathers can bond with sons through sports and mothers with daughters over cooking or TV dramas or even gossip. 5. Try to Understand What’s Behind the Anxieties: Why does your child feel inadequate or embarrassed or stressed Up? Is it because her friends have things she doesn’t? Are you placing expectations that are too high for her to achieve? 6. Recognise the Signs of Teen Depression: Does your child show signs of low self-esteem? Depression can trigger or intensify feelings of shame, failure, and social unease and make teens extremely sensitive to criticism. Many teens with depression run away from home or drop out of school because they find both unbearable to be in. Depression may also make many teens escape into online oblivion to find isolation from the real world. But excessive smartphone and internet use can actually increase loneliness and worsen depression. 7. Encourage Exercise and Healthy Eating: Many depressed teens have eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. Encourage a positive body image through healthy eating and exercise. Regular exercise can boost energy and mood, relieve stress, regulate sleep patterns, improve your teen’s self-esteem and help ease depression. For more parenting insights and guides, visit Motherhood.com.my

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