What Every Parent Must Know About Perfectionism

This is what describes perfectionism in a perfect way, This is not good enough! You might think that perfectionism is a must for our success as it helps us to set high expectations on what we are striving for. However, it only traps you with unrealistic expectations and depression. So, this makes perfectionism an important issue for every parent to look into. Now, ask yourself these questions to reflect whether you are exerting it on your children. Are you pushing your children too much? Are you setting unrealistic expectations for your children? Do you expect your children to achieve the top performance, even it is their first try? As a primary school educator, I had once expected perfect performance from my pupils. I scolded them for making mistakes. I even overreacted to every tiny error that they made. Only until recently, when I was attending a course as a learner, I realised that making mistakes was actually bringing me a step closer to my success. That was when I resolved to focus on progression instead of perfectionism. So, are you ready to make a positive change in your parenting style? Or you rather pay the price for exerting perfectionism? Read on to find out more about the negative consequences of practising perfectionism. The Price of Exerting Perfectionism Photo credit to Pexels Being a perfectionist parent makes you overvalue your children's achievement. Instead of discussing with your children about their needs and emotions, you would overly demand from them about what they need to do. You will not hesitate to use emotional remarks, comparison and physical discipline to make your children stick to your desired result. In the long run, your children will lose their self-esteem despite their excellent performance. They would constantly have the sense of being "not good enough" and they would perceive love as conditional. Being perfect is the only way to get love and acceptance from others. You will also miss out to appreciate and compliment your children's for their effort and improvement. As a result, your children will be reluctant to try out any new experience. They are not open to challenges as they are afraid of making mistakes and disappointing their parents. Even when they have great ideas in mind, they will keep procrastinating on implementing the ideas as they perceive their ideas to be "not perfect enough". They will not able to make immediate decisions. They would always wait for a better opportunity, while what's in front of them is actually good enough to start off. So, ask yourself, is this worthwhile to pay for perfectionism when it does not bring any benefits to your children's success and personal well-being? If your answer is NO, let's practise what the other great parents have done differently to nurture successful children with a positive growth mindset. 3 Things Great Parents Do Differently with Perfectionism #1: They know nothing is perfect in the beginning Photo credit to Unsplash Great parents deeply understand that performance gets better as time passes because it applies the same for their career achievement too. Therefore, they do not expect their children to achieve perfect performance when they first started. Instead, they encourage their children to make more mistakes so that their children can learn more and faster through their mistakes. With this, children are more willing to involve themselves in any new learning experience. They know that they will not be scolded for their mistakes, they will only be scolded when they are not open enough to accept any challenge. They will then see mistakes and failures as a part of their success journey. As time passes, they will be able to persist and enhance their skills to become better. #2: They recognise their children's every single small step Photo credit to Pexels Put yourself into your children's shoes: How do you feel when someone compliments you for your effort, even when you have yet to achieve anything? Similarly, our children need our continuous encouragement and motivation to stay on their learning journey. Instead of yelling and criticising our children, we need to give them sincere recognition and uplifting message about their effort and improvement. Educate your children to be tolerant about their temporary defeats during the process. Guide them to face the defeats directly by reflecting on why they fail in certain areas. If the factors are under our children's control, we guide them through to look for solutions. Encourage them to express their opinions and recognise their ideas. Guide them to choose the suitable options and act on the solutions. If the factor is not under their control, guide them to look into other directions. Maybe the journey that they currently set their feet on does not lead them to their destination. Recognise their effort in trying new directions and motivate them to search for other alternatives. Often, obstacles and challenges come with better opportunities. So, keep your children trying different experiences and support them along the process. #3: They build their children to be open to criticism Photo credit to Pexels When you strive for progression, you will be open to any criticism as you are eager to look into suggestions for improvement. This is what we should set our children for: to be able to accept any criticism and constructive feedback by others. Educate your children to follow this simple rule: do not take any comment personally. It is when we take the criticism personally, we are reluctant to look into the possible solutions offered in the criticism. When you educate your children to detach themselves personally from their work, they will be able to accept other's feedback on improving their work and performance. They will not have the feeling of being "not smart enough" or "not hardworking enough". Here's what Bill Gates once said, Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. So, whenever your children tell you about the negative feedback they received from their teachers and their peers, educate them to acknowledge the problem and listen attentively to what others have to offer. Then, strive to improve by looking into solutions. This is the wonder of progression that you can provide your children, as opposed to perfectionism that only indicates your fear about others' opinions. Perfectionism Is Not The Only Way As we encourage you to actively involved in your children growth and learning, we are also concerned about over-parenting that brings about perfectionist parenting. Therefore, stop setting and getting your children to meet unrealistic expectations. What your children truly need is your guidance to break down their goals into manageable steps and your constant encouragement along the process. Your children will develop higher self-confidence and enhanced skills if they constantly strive for progression and not perfection. So, cherish your children for who they are, not what you want them to be as a perfect child.

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