Daddy Talks: Fatherhood Experience for New Dads

Looking for some insights into the fatherhood experience? Well, you're in luck as you've come to the right place! Read on as I share some of mine here. Becoming a father for the first time can be one of the most rewarding experiences a man can go through, but it can also be quite challenging. There is no handbook or manual on how to raise kids—you just have to learn as you go along. I come from a humble background in the small town of Melaka. As a kid, my life was pretty good until I was 14 years old when my parents went through an ugly divorce. I'm grateful to have made it out okay but was always worried that I would end up like my dad. Consequently, every step I take as a father is well-thought-out and intentional; I make sure to reflect on each day to ensure that I am acting as the best version of myself for my children. There are a lot of things that fathers have to sacrifice when they become a dad. Personal time, sleep, and social life often takes a backseat. But it’s all worth it in the end. The best decision that any father can make is to spend time and have a heartful conversation with their kids. Trust me, they grow up fast, and every second spent with them is something fathers truly cherish. Allow me to walk you through memory lane by sharing my personal experience of being a father for the first time. My First Step into Fatherhood Cayden and Clarisse—my little angels On a sunny Saturday evening in August 2016, my wife called me to tell me she was being rushed to the hospital for premature delivery. My heart beat so fast I could barely hear her; all I could think about was that everything had to go right. After several checks and monitors by doctors, they decided that my wife should opt for induced labour. At 10:48 p.m., I heard my son's first cry—words cannot describe how amazing it felt in that moment. Being a first-time fatherhood experience was challenging at first, but it was also an amazing experience. As a man, there were some things that I had to learn the hard way—like how to change a diaper or how to calm down a screaming child. But overall, raising kids has been an amazing experience for me. I have to admit that I learn more from my kids than I could have ever imagined. From my firstborn, I learned that they view me as a role model for their behaviour. The day he drew a picture of Superman and said the cartoon character was me, it hit me like a lightning bolt. I realised then how crucial it is for fathers to be role models for their kids. Every day is a new adventure and I never know what is going to happen next. But that’s what makes fatherhood so exciting and rewarding. I am constantly learning new things and growing as a person. It can be tough at times but it is worth it in the end. Once, when my wife had to attend a five-day conference in Kuala Lumpur, I was left alone with the kids for the whole week. At first, I wasn't sure how I would juggle work and family life when my wife was away. But after the first day, I realised that it was possible. For me, each day went smoothly even with challenges and I couldn't have asked for more! Fatherhood Experience: What Advice Would I Give First-Time Fathers? My son and my best friend, Cayden. If I were to list every fatherhood experience I've had thus far, I would say there are hundreds or thousands that I've experienced over the years. The following fatherhood experience (and tips) are the most useful ones, in my opinion: Be the Best Version of Yourself for Your Kids It's not easy to admit when we're wrong—especially in front of our kids. But as parents, they need to see us model what it looks like to take responsibility for our actions and apologise when needed. As a father, I keep emphasising this quote to my children, "How you do one thing is how you do everything." There is no shortcut in life and “When life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade!” Your Kids Cannot Win All the Time As parents, we want our children to feel happy and supported all the time. This includes during games where we might be tempted to let them win or have a planned approach so they always come out on top. It's unfortunate, but they won't learn unless they lose. If they don't understand the feeling of losing and embracing the process, it will be difficult for them to cope in the future. Make sure you make it a point to explain to them about losing and how they can use it to improve further. Set Some Time for Yourself Because It Matters No matter how much you love your kids, you will need some 'me-time'. This is because a fatherhood experience includes stress and this can be overwhelming at times. If you don't take care of yourself, you will not be able to give your best to your children. My personal favourite for setting 'me-time' is to spend 30 minutes daily in the park. Being surrounded by trees and the sound of birds chirping in the background is a comforting feeling for me. Foster a Relationship with Your Partner Hey, that's me and my wife, Nicole! To be a good father, having a good relationship with your partner is important. This is because they will be the ones who will support you emotionally and physically during this journey. My advice is to go on regular dates (my wife and I would go out for a dinner date every Thursday), have heart-to-heart conversations and most importantly, never go to bed angry. Embrace the Chaos There will be days when everything will feel like it's going wrong. The house will be a mess, the kids will be screaming and you will feel like you're about to lose your mind. On these days, it is important to take a step back and embrace the chaos. Remember that these moments are just a phase and they will eventually pass. Fatherhood for the First Time In my opinion, fatherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences a man can have. It comes with its challenges but it is also full of love, laughter and learning opportunities. I am grateful for every moment—good or bad—that I get to spend with my children. They are my everything and I would not trade this experience for anything in the world. Does my experience thus far resonate with yours, my fellow dads? If you find my words helpful, do share this column across with your loved ones and other dads too! For more insightful stories and fun recipes, stay tuned to Motherhood Story!

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