How to Have that ‘Let’s have a Baby’ Conversation with your Husband Tactfully

“I've realised that I really want a baby. Like now. And I don't know how to bring it up gently. I've tried talking a lot about our friend's pregnancy, which he does get excited about, but unfortunately, it doesn't transition into talking about us.” — Emma Does that sound familiar? For many women, starting a family or having another baby may be as simple as showing hubby the positive sign on your pregnancy test, where both of you would be elated about the parenthood journey you're about to make. For some others, however, such as Emma who yearns to have a baby while her husband remains unreceptive to the hints, broaching “that talk” seems daunting. Since the day they got married, Emma has tried hinting to her husband that she wants to be a mother but somehow their conversation never seems to get further. Sometimes, when a woman feels it's time, there’ll be just no other way but to lay it on the table. However, don’t just barge in without being empathetic to your spouse’s concerns and plans ─ both of you need to be on the same page before making this decision. And when you do, it'll be as much an emotional decision as a practical one founded on career, work, time, commitment, and finances. To help you navigate this most difficult conversation, which may have many outcomes, here are some tips on how to discuss the topic. 1. Find the Right Time and Tone The best time to have a ‘baby talk’ is when you and your husband are in a good frame of mind like during a vacation or on a weekend when you're calm and relaxed. (Image Credit: People photo created by jcomp - freepik.com) Before you begin talking, you'll need to make sure it's the right time. Only open the subject when you're both in a good mood and when you both have time to sit down and go into the conversation. Never bring it up when he's rushing to work or when he has just come home from work or if he's stressed up or has his mind on some other concern ─ be it his job, his friends, or family issues. If you know he has had a bad week, try holding off. The same applies to you. If you're having a particularly busy phase at work and have no time to breathe in or out or feel centered, keep the conversation on the back burner until later. And never blurt it out at the height of an argument. You don’t want your tone to be demanding or accusatory. Always remember that it’s not just about your wants or your desires, or your worries about fertility issues or even someone else’s expectation like your own parents or your own siblings or your in-laws who may be badgering you about having grandchildren. No, at the end of the day, it's you and your husband’s decision to agree to take on this life-changing responsibility, so certainly it’s a topic that needs thought and agreement from both parties. Parenthood is after all, a joint decision. The idea is to have both of you to be in a good frame of mind. Bring it up after you have had a nice dinner date or while you're on holiday or during the weekend when both of you are relaxed and have the time to be enjoying each other’s company and conversation. 2. Be Aware of the Financial Reality Being aware of the household budget, work, career, and financial constraints lets you have a clearer picture as to why your husband may not be as keen as you on having a baby right now. (Image Credit: By Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels) Having a baby does put pressure on the household budget. If you and your husband happen to be one of those who are affected by career and workplace shifts due to the pandemic, you might want to give time for finances and the working situation to tide over before talking about adding a baby to the expenses. However, if both you and your husband’s jobs or businesses are still stable and your lifestyle hasn’t been affected or changed much since before the pandemic, then money may not be a consideration for you to start a family. As it is, the Movement Control Order (MCO) is now almost over, everything is opening up again and life is returning back to what it was before COVID-19. With routines and practices going back to how they were before, now might be as good a time as any to have that baby talk. Besides, with all things being equal, financial considerations may sometimes not be what makes up his mind about starting or adding to the family. Married couples start having children as a matter of course in married life, regardless of their work and financial situation but it's good to keep things in perspective when discussing the topic with your husband. 3. Be Open to Your Husband’s Thoughts and Concerns Men have fears about parenthood, too and all his concerns are valid. (Image Credit: By @thiszun (follow me on IG, FB) from Pexels) Sometimes the thought of being a father scares a man and this may be the only reason why he's balking at the idea of having a child. First time fathers-to-be may feel they're not ready to take on the role as responsible husband to you and mentor, financier, role model, and a great father for the child. Apart from all of the above, he may also have concerns about whether he'll lose you to the baby. After all, he has had your sole attention all this while but with you becoming a mother, you may now change your focus to someone else ─ the baby, and he might be worried that this will change the dynamics of the relationship. Tell him that these concerns are normal and that you, too have your concerns about motherhood, too. But you know both of you can work it through as you evolve to become parents. And you do need him to work together with you as a team. Being parents is teamwork and it's the next step in your transition as a couple growing to the next level in your relationship. 4. Let your Husband know how much This Means to You The classic book for men and women to improve their communication and relationships by understanding the differences between them. (Image Credit: By Source, Fair use, wikipedia.org) Sometimes, it’s best to be open and honest about how much having a baby means to you. Men may not fully understand the maternal call until you explain it to them. A man looks at parenthood very differently in terms of tendering a nest and bringing offsprings, as these studies say. Fathers approach parenthood with different beliefs, priorities, and attitudes than mothers do, says this article. They are more detached while mothers cannot separate work from home and family as they view motherhood as being part and parcel of becoming a complete woman. And while the husband’s views are different from the wife’s, they vary from man to man, too. Some men see having children as living proof of their virility and are very proud, some see it as an obligation of married life and accept it without question. Some men love children and can’t wait to take up the challenge of fatherhood, and still some others don’t “get” the notion of fatherhood at all. It really all depends. Have you heard of the book ─ Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Written by John Gray in 1992, the international bestseller explored the fundamental psychological differences between the sexes operating in a relationship. The line, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is often quoted to show how differently men and women think. This applies to thoughts on parenthood, too. Knowing your husband well enough and understanding how men think, will give you the advantage of navigating the subject with the right approach. “Talking about your friends' kids is a good place to start,” suggests Tina, who broached the subject with her husband in this manner. “You can start with something like ─ ‘Someday soon, I want us to have this,’” and then go on from there. If all goes well, and he's agreeable, then it’s time for you to start preparing for pregnancy. Help with Getting Pregnant with Clearblue Ovulation Test Why is it important to know your menstrual and ovulation cycle? Read on to find out! Although your husband may have agreed and is now all fired up with the idea of becoming a father, getting pregnant is not a wish granted on demand. There are mechanics to the whole process and we’re not talking about just having unprotected sex one day and voilà! You’re pregnant! Since you've already waited for some time to get the conversation going and you've now reached the point of convincing your husband, conceiving successfully now is a matter of urgency. You don't want to endure another prolonged phase filled with soul-crushing unsuccessful attempts. You need to get it right straightaway. How to Get it Right To do so, you must first understand the facts of your menstrual and ovulation cycle. Science has proven that there's only a narrow margin of several specific days in each month when it's possible for a woman to get pregnant. These days boil down to the day of ovulation and the days leading up to ovulation. At ovulation, you release your ripened egg or ova and it typically survives for only 12–24 hours. After this time, your window of fertility or opportunity closes. To complicate matters, every woman’s fertility window varies from woman to woman and cycle to cycle. Each woman’s menstrual cycle ranges from 23 to 35 days and each ovulation occurs somewhere in the midpoint before your period comes. This makes pinpointing the exact time of ovulation and the days when you're most likely to conceive a baby, rather difficult. Therefore, you need an ovulation indicator to take the guesswork out of conceiving naturally ─ and not just an ovulation indicator but a very accurate one (with over 99% accuracy) so that you maximise your chance of getting pregnant. First, Find Out your Menstrual Cycle to Estimate your Ovulation To find out your own menstrual cycle, count the first day of your period as Day 1. Keep counting every day until the day before your next period arrives. The total number of days you have counted is your menstrual cycle. Remember, your menstrual cycle is yours alone, as every woman’s menstrual cycle length is unique to her only. Some women don’t get regular menstrual cycles at all and will probably need to see a doctor first to regulate it if they're hoping to get a baby. The length of time between ovulation (when an egg is released from the ovary) and the first day of the menstrual cycle is between 12 to 16 days. Understanding Ovulation The graph above illustrates that the highest chance to conceive is in the days prior to ovulation. (Image Credit: Clearblue.com) Ovulation is necessary for conception. Ovulation refers to the release of your egg from your ovary. You can only become pregnant if a sperm meets with and fertilises that egg. This egg can only be fertilised for up to 24 hours after ovulation. If the egg isn’t fertilised in this time, the lining of your uterus will be shed, along with the egg and your period will begin, marking the start of your next menstrual cycle. Pinpoint Your Fertile Window The Clearblue Ovulation Test is easy to use. It has a digital display window that shows a Smiley Face when you're in your fertile window and an eject button to hygienically remove the used test strip. If the clock ticks for you, it's most important to know your fertile window. This fertile window during each menstrual cycle is the day of ovulation and the day before. These are your two days of peak fertility. Because sperm remains alive and active for up to 5 days in the sperm-friendly mucus of the uterus, you can conceive through sexual intercourse 4 to 5 days before the egg is released. The total “fertility window”, taking into account the lifetime of both the sperm (5 days) and the egg (24 hours), is about 6 days. Outside of these 6 days in the entire month, the chances of getting pregnant are low. Pinpoint When to Fertilise Your Egg Since the egg only survives for 12 to 24 hours, pinpointing when exactly to place sperm in the uterus to “catch” or fertilise your egg, is crucial. This is where Clearblue can come in to help you digitally detect your LH surge, determine your fertile window and tell you through a digital “Smiley Face” on the display that now is the time to make love. Not only that, it's smart enough to adapt to your personal cycle, no matter how many days it may vary, and its reusable reader works for more than one LH surge; making it economical to use. What is LH Surge? Test directly in your urine stream. Clearblue Ovulation Test has over 99% accuracy in detecting the LH surge in your urine. But what is LH surge, you might ask? LH or luteinizing hormone is the hormone produced by your pituitary gland that triggers ovulation somewhere in the midpoint of your menstrual cycle. (During the rest of your menstrual cycle, LH is secreted at very low levels). The Clearblue Digital Ovulation Test is able to detect the rise of LH 24–36 hours prior to ovulation in your urine. Therefore, the test uses only your urine to accurately detect your LH surge. Light and handy and providing a good grip when you take readings as you're urinating, the kit has two parts: a test reader piece, which has an eject button and a digital display, and 10 foil-wrapped test sticks to insert into the test reader. Once the two parts are inserted correctly, the digital display will show the Test Ready symbol and you're ready to test. Test directly in your urine stream, wait 3 minutes, and if you see a Smiley Face appearing in the digital display, then it's time to make love. Your chances of conceiving are at their best. Then, use Clearblue Pregnancy test on the day your period is due to find out if you're pregnant. You can even test up to 4 days before your period is due if you can’t wait to see if you've conceived. It’s as simple as that. Try Clearblue Digital Ovulation Test to speed up conceiving today! For more information on Clearblue products, please visit the Clearblue website. And to learn more about ovulation, conception, and pregnancy, visit Motherhood.com.my.

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