Temper Tantrums: How to Handle Your Child's Emotional Outbursts

Temper tantrums can be the stuff of nightmares for parents, especially if they happen in public. First things first, if you’re a parent you should know that you’re not alone. Parents in general do face tantrums from their children from time to time, and it is not an indication of parental weakness or failure. It can be scary, tiring and frustrating having to deal with tantrums from your kids. Here are some of the most important things you can understand about tantrums and how to best deal with them. What Are Tantrums in Children Tantrums are a loud and often dramatic show of frustration by children, especially those between the ages of 1 and 5 years of age. Children may cry, scream, throw objects, refuse to move, become aggressive or run away while throwing a tantrum. One of the first things you should understand is that children don’t plan tantrums. It is a natural reaction to certain overwhelming negative feelings. As parents, it is important to also deal with these feelings and understand why they have developed, rather than dealing solely with the outburst. Why Children Throw Tantrums Each child is unique and as such, the experiences that frustrate or anger them differ too. These may be some of the reasons your child is acting up: They’re tired and want to go home; this sometimes happens when they’re kept past their usual bedtime They may want to do something their way but are being prevented from it They may be hungry They want an object or item and are not being allowed to have them They are having difficulty completing a task They’re not getting the attention they want from you or someone else They have trouble understanding something They’re having a disagreement with someone, like a sibling or playmate Overstimulation; such as a very noisy, crowded and hot place Most of the time, tantrums are caused by your child’s inability to vocalise or fully understand what they’re going through. This is why tantrums are more common in younger children. As they grow older, their grasp of language increases, and so does their vocabulary. When this happens, children will naturally learn to depend more on expressing their thoughts and feeling through language rather than meltdowns. Additionally, their cognitive ability develops further too, and they begin to have more control and understanding of their thoughts and feelings. When seen in this light, you begin to realize that tantrums are a natural part of a child’s development. How to React to a Tantrum Tantrums are uncomfortable for everyone present, including bystanders and other children who may be present. The main aim of your reaction is to minimise the effects of your child’s episode, including on your child and you. The first thing to do is to calm yourself. Avoid raising your voice or being physically aggressive with your child. If you’re in a public place, bring them somewhere more private and quieter. Try and distract them, such as pointing them to their surroundings or showing them their favourite videos. Try and calm them down by reassuring them that everything is alright. Offer them security and validate their feelings, even if they’re in the wrong. You can do this by offering them hugs and drying their tears. Do not give in to their tantrums. Be firm and draw the line, otherwise your child will learn that throwing tantrums is an effective strategy to get what they want. If your child becomes disruptive or aggressive, such as hitting and throwing things, do not react to these actions. Ignore these until your child has calmed down. Make sure that your reactions are consistent each time. It is important for children to learn boundaries and that they cannot get what they want by acting out. Although you may feel it is easier to quite them down by giving in to their demands, this will cause behavioural problems later on. Staying quietly with your child until they calm down is one effective strategy. Scolding them and reasoning with them is much less effective in situations like these. Additionally, you should try different strategies as there’s no one formula that works on every child. How to Avoid Tantrums There is really no failproof method to guarantee that your child doesn't throw a tantrum. However, there are strategies to minimise this type of behaviour: Acknowledge your child’s feelings and thoughts. Encourage them to use words to describe how they feel. This may involve teaching them useful vocabulary, including words like ‘sad’, ‘tired’, ‘upset’ and so on. Additionally, you can also teach them positive words for their feelings like ‘happy’, ‘comfy’ and ‘good’. Encourage and empower your child when they handle difficult situations without a tantrum. You may even want to reward this behaviour to establish it as a norm. Set a good example for your child, especially under stressful situations. If your child sees you handling bad situations calmly, they tend to model this reaction themselves. Tantrums can sometimes have triggers, such as tiredness, hunger or overstimulation. If you can recognise these triggers, minimise your child’s exposure to it. Offering your child choices early on will give them a better sense of control over their lives. This also helps reduce the chances of them feeling frustrated due to a lack of control. You can start with letting them choose articles of clothing, or choose a snack. Seeking Help for Temper Tantrums If you feel that your child's tantrums are getting worse rather than better after the age of 4, do speak to your care provider. This also applies if you feel overwhelmed and your child is hurting themselves or others during their tantrums. Additionally, you should seek help if your child feels sick or holds their breath during a tantrum. Acknowledging Your Own Feelings As a parent, tantrums can really affect you too. You may feel embarrasses if you’re in public, or feel like you’re a failure. Do not dwell on these thoughts, as your children are individuals too. As such, they can’t be controlled like robots. What you can do is to guide them to express themselves in a healthier way, and establish boundaries. Also, you should remember that it takes time for changes to happen. This may be years into the future. Your children are not doing this on purpose to hurt you. It is just that they lack the skills and developmental abilities to cope with certain situations. Remember that your best bet and strategy in such situations is to establish good habits, that will help form your child’s values into adulthood. You've got this, parents! For more insightful stories and fun recipes, stay tuned to Motherhood Story!

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